LOOKING YOUR BEST IN SHINING ARMOR

FROM UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE

FOR RELEASE: WEEK OF MAY 17, 1998

GREAT ASPIRATIONS! by Two Dads

LOOKING YOUR BEST IN SHINING ARMOR

All dads want to be heroes to their kids.

Being a hero to our kids is something we dads tend to care more about than our female counterparts. It's a trait that's mixed in somewhere in the deep, dark genetic jungle of the male mind-set.

Each of us wants our kids to see us as an intrepid Indiana Jones type with an exotic personal history; a superhuman being from whose chest bullets bounce; a fearless individual beneath whose mild-mannered exterior beats the heart of a lion.

That's what we want, anyway. Granted, it's awfully vain of us. We feel good about ourselves when our kids look up at us and say, "Way to go, Dad!"

On the other hand, it makes good, practical sense to cut a heroic figure in your child's eyes. Why? Because kids are going to find heroes somewhere. In the absence of a more immediate hero -- such as yourself -- their impressionable minds are likely latch onto any number of flashy role models that the media dish up to them on a regular basis -- from Axl Rose to Snoop Doggy Dogg, from the Spice Girls to Dennis Rodman.

Our apologies to the aforementioned celebrities, whose contributions to society are beyond reproach. But you get the picture, don't you? As far as heroes for your kids are concerned, it's a clear case of better you than those guys.

How do you get there? First, build trust with your child. And the numero uno way to start doing that is to keep your word. When you promise to spend an afternoon with your daughter at the zoo, DO IT. When you tell your son you'll be home from work at such-and-such time so the two of you can shoot hoops, BE THERE.

It works the other way, too. If you've told your child he or she can expect a certain consequence for a certain form of negative behavior -- like being grounded if she ever sets fire to the neighbor's cat again –- FOLLOW THROUGH, even when it would be more convenient or otherwise easier for you to look the other way. You owe it to your child to be consistent. Besides, you can't be a hero if your child doesn't respect you -– and it's hard to respect a patsy.

Here are a few other ideas:

-- Once Upon a Time -– Ask your kids to tell you about heroes they may already have. Tell them about heroes you had when you were a kid –- and about the real people from your childhood who had a hand in shaping you. Look for common denominators between your heroes then and your kids' heroes now, then talk about those traits. Decide for yourselves what it takes to really be a hero.

-- Historical Heroes -– Read to your children from books about real-life heroes from history. What was it that made people like Abraham Lincoln, Florence Nightingale and Martin Luther King Jr. worth admiring? What kinds of difficulties did they face? What lessons from their lives can you and your kids apply to your own?

-- Hero Books -– You'll need a notebook binder, a stack of magazines, markers, scissors and glue. Label a series of blank sheets with the following prompts: "My dad is my hero when ...," "My mom is my hero when ...," "My favorite teacher is ...," "My favorite athlete is ...," "My best friend is ...," "When I grow up, I want to be a ...," "My favorite TV hero is ..." and so on. Then sit down with your child and clip photos, phrases and images from the magazines to fill in the blank pages. Identify characteristics your child sees as being important, talk about them and, together, consider which ones may have more meaning than others.

-- Young Heroes -– Sit down with your kids and read biographies about amazing young people, such as Anne Frank, Thomas Edison, Amadeus Mozart and Ryan White. Help your children see that one doesn't have to be a grown-up to set a shining example.

-- Follow the Leader -– Be a leader yourself. Set examples in your own life and in your community. Let your child see you doing the right thing, making the right choices and following the Golden Rule.

All kids want their dads to be heroes, probably as much as we want them to see us that way. They WANT us to be people they want to be like. They look to us to mold their perceptions of what's right, what's wrong and what truly matters.

It's serious stuff, this hero business. But you don't have to wear a cape, body armor and a winged helmet to be one. What you have on right now is good enough. So what's the holdup? You can do it. Be a hero.

(The Two Dads are Doug Hall, Director of Great Aspirations!, and Russ Quaglia, Child Aspirations Expert.)

COPYRIGHT 1998 GREAT ASPIRATIONS! INC.

DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE
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