SAME FAMILY, DIFFERENT PLANETS -- NO WORRIES!

GreatAspirations

FROM UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE

FOR RELEASE: WEEK OF AUGUST 16, 1998

GREAT ASPIRATIONS! by Two Dads

SAME FAMILY, DIFFERENT PLANETS -- NO WORRIES!

Did you ever wonder how kids in the same family could be so different from one another? They have the same parents, they are growing up in the same house, and chances are they share the same room. So why does one eat peas and carrots, while the other insists on dining exclusively on corn? Why does one excel in school while the other thinks it's a total drag? Why can one play alone, entertaining herself for hours, while the other requires a troupe of friends and tickets to a three-ring circus just to pass time?

It makes no sense. Surprise! It's as true in your family as in every other family on the planet: No two children living under the same roof, at the same longitude and latitude, are going to share the exact same set of interests, curiosities, skills, moods or mind-sets. It seems that as soon as we've figured out one child, the next one comes along and makes everything we THOUGHT we knew about kids obsolete.

As parents, we may sometimes wish our kids were the same, but it will never happen. Even if we treat, dress and raise them alike, they're still bound to act like they are not only from different families, but also from different hemispheres. So instead of letting their differences frustrate us, let's choose to celebrate the differences. Rejoice in the fact that you have the ability to raise unique individuals under one roof.

To establish a real sense of belonging in your kids, let them be the individuals they are. Give them the freedom to have different learning styles, haircuts, friends, interests, strengths, weaknesses and ideas about the past, present and future. Otherwise, it's like trying to fit round pegs into square holes.

But it's important to go beyond merely accepting diversity. It's not enough just to bite your tongue when your son decides to take dance lessons or your daughter wants to join the seventh-grade football team. You have to celebrate your child's uniqueness.

The quickest way to destroy a relationship with a child is to not accept who they are or who they want to become. Children work hard to find identities of their own -- they have to invent them, just like you did. And parents have the power to create fertile environments in which their identities can come to full bloom. In doing so, we are also in the perfect position to teach our kids tolerance -- to accept and embrace the differences in others.

So how can a parent teach acceptance? It's simple: By being accepting yourself. As a parent, do you support underdogs and dark horses? Or do you stand by passively while others ridicule them? Do you approach each individual as a person to respect and learn from -- or do you fall into the trap of stereotyping? As you do, so will your child.

Research confirms that children with a greater sense of belonging are those who receive acknowledgment for their individuality. Children with the highest sense of belonging:

-- Are more likely to feel their parents care about their success.

-- Have parents who show off their work.

-- Perceive that they've won many awards.

Here are some specific ways to celebrate our kids as individuals:

My "Me" Book. Assemble a photo album for your child. Fill it with plenty of photos of school, community, sports and family events -- special moments for them and events in which they played a role. Leave plenty of blank pages in each book, so your child can fill it with their own memories and mementos.

Who I Am Now? Invite everyone in the family to put together a collage that is, in essence, a portrait of how they see themselves at the moment. Gather poster board and magazines, scissors and glue. Have everyone cut out photos and illustrations that define their interests, feelings and views of the world. Mom and Dad should do one, too. Display them prominently. Each collage will be a family heirloom in 20 years.

Viva la difference! How dull would it be to raise a family without it? If we want to bring up children to recognize and celebrate diversity, we owe it to them to model that behavior at home. So the next time you say to yourself, "I can't believe how different these kids are," give yourself a pat on the back. You are obviously doing a great job!

(The Two Dads are Doug Hall, Director of Great Aspirations!, and Russ Quaglia, Child Aspirations Expert.)

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