TILTING AT WINDMILLS OF CHILDHOOD FEARS

FROM UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE

FOR RELEASE: WEEK OF MAY 10, 1998

GREAT ASPIRATIONS! by Two Dads

TILTING AT WINDMILLS OF CHILDHOOD FEARS

When it comes to trying something new, your child is a 'fraidey cat.

Being a 'fraidey cat isn't all bad. Kids who don't exercise some degree of caution are kids who don't look before they leap. Emergency rooms are filled with them.

On the other hand, it's important for a child to have a spirit of adventure, especially in terms of being willing to try new things. This is what enables a child to grow. It's what fuels aspirations in childhood and beyond.

Remember when your child was a baby just learning to walk? She hauled herself up on her two chubby legs and fell, got back up and fell back down, on and on and on until, finally, she took her first step, then the next, then another after that. And in fairly short order, she was wobbling off into a world packed with new adventures.

At some point, however, the toddler touches a hot stove or steps on a bumble bee. It happens to all of us. That's when we begin to learn what it means to be afraid. Some of us are born with the ability to shake it off and keep going. Others learn fear's lessons TOO well -– to the point of paralysis.

Kids encounter all kinds of scenarios where fear can be a paralyzing factor, especially when they're trying something new -– learning to ride a bicycle, jumping off the high board, stepping up to the plate, strapping on a pair of in-line skates, walking on stage for that first piano recital. All are fraught with potential for failure, embarrassment and humiliation –- all can be reasons for a child to decide against even trying. What dad has not flinched at hearing the words, "But I caaaan't"?

As a dad, it's your job to find ways to help your kids push back the boundaries of fear, teach them it's all right to fall short, and show them that once they've taken that first step, they can take another and another after that.

Here are some ideas for emboldening that 'fraidey cat in all of us:

-- Best and Worst –- Take a long, hard look at the task your child faces. Draw a line down the middle of a sheet of paper. On one side, write "Best Case." On the other, write "Worst Case." Work with your child to fill in the columns. What positive results could come from trying? What's the best thing? What's the worst? Once a child realizes that the worst that could happen really isn't all that awful, he or she is more likely to take the plunge. In the process, you'll give your child a simple framework for weighing future risks.

-- Courage Connections -– Find ways to attach "training wheels" to your kids' first-time experiences. Hold your daughter's hand at the edge of the pool and jump in with her. Put your arms around your son to show him how to swing a bat until he's comfortable swinging it on his own. If you can't be there for the challenge itself, be there waiting for them at the other end. In whatever way you can, take away the feeling that they're going through it alone.

-- Turn Losses Into Wins –- It's OK to fail as long as you learn something from it. Be willing to let your child fail. And talk to your child about the times you took risks and failed. Tell them what you learned from those experiences and how you made adjustments so that, the next time or the time after that, you accomplished what you set out to do.

-- Stepping Stones -– Sometimes a task can be broken down into smaller, easy-to-handle pieces a child can use to build up to the real thing. Let's say your kid is apprehensive about getting his first haircut. Start small and work your way up: Snip a lock of his hair with a pair of scissors to show him it doesn't hurt, let him see you getting your hair cut and surviving the experience, take him to the barber shop and let him hold the clippers in his hand. Show kids how to eat away at their fear, one bite at a time, and they'll respond.

After all, it's not as if kids enjoy being 'fraidey cats. You can't eliminate your kids' fears totally, nor should you. Keep in mind that every child's level of risk-taking will be different. Acknowledge their fears, encourage them by helping them work through their fears, and then, whether they win or lose, celebrate their efforts. That's how you turn a 'fraidey cat into the king of the jungle.

(The Two Dads are Doug Hall, Director of Great Aspirations!, and Russ Quaglia, Child Aspirations Expert.)

COPYRIGHT 1998 GREAT ASPIRATIONS! INC.
DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE
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